We are having a fabulously lazy day. The kind of day I almost never allow myself or my sons to have--a day of endless Disney Channel and Kinect games for them and reading and internet TV for me. We are on vacation to celebrate the end of my chemo regimen and I am beyond thankful for the gift of this lazy day.
I have been so thankful for life and all its blessings these last few days that I feel like I’m constantly about to start giggling and I half expect the people around me to break into choreographed song and dance. Obviously I am thankful that my chemo is done, the weekly trips to Medford are done, and the constant dread of Thursdays is done. But it’s more than that. I’m thankful for a whole list of things that being done with chemo has brought brilliantly to light. And since this is a lazy day and I have time, I’m going to share my list with you.
1) I am thankful for chemo. My beautiful friend Lauren said it best when she told me that she has a love/hate relationship with chemo. Chemo has made my life pretty miserable the past six months, but it has also literally given me my life back. I know none of us are promised tomorrow, but chemo has given me back my hope for a future in this life.
2) I am thankful for Ryan. There is a special closeness that has developed between us that came from facing death, pain and fear together. Even thought I wouldn’t wish this on us, I also wouldn’t trade the feeling of impenetrability it has given our marriage. He is one tough stud; he has been my champion through countless trials, and despite the fact that most of what we’ve faced has been very serious, we have spent a lot of our time laughing.
3) I am thankful for my boys. I could go on and on here, so suffice it to say—Liam, Sawyer and Everett bring me joy, laughter, inspiration and humility every day. They teach me to live in the moment, appreciate the small wonders and big adventures in this life and have truly been my reasons to keep moving forward during my darkest times.
4) I am thankful for my dad, brothers, gramma, and sister-in-law. I am thankful for my parents-in-law and all of Ryan’s family. They have buoyed me up, supported me, bravely shared their grief and hard days and lifted me up during mine. They have watched my children and fed my family countless times. They have been my life raft in this ocean of uncertainty. I am also thankful for my mama, who taught me all about perseverance and being joyful during tribulation. Her voice in my head is a constant comfort.
5) I am thankful for my friends who have gone above and beyond what friendship requires: childcare, food, long phone calls, drives to Medford, financial support, encouraging presents and cards…the list goes on forever and each kindness is a cherished memory in my heart.
6) I am thankful for my community, my church, Triad, all of you who read my blog and the people across the globe who have reached out to me, embraced me, encouraged me and prayed for me. I am continually humbled by your faithfulness and support.
7) I am unbelievably thankful for many first-times-in-a-long-times (like since August) that have happened this week: my first days without nausea, the first time a mocha tasted good, the first book I finished since my brain is finally unfogged enough to focus, the first deep-none medicated sleep, the first day without pills, the first Thursday (this Thursday) that I’m not traveling to Medford.
8) And finally, I am thankful and excited about what’s to come: feeling better every day, regaining my strength, growing my hair back, exercising, losing weight, writing and reading more and living a life that doesn’t revolve around when I’ll feel sick and when I’ll feel slightly better.
Above all, I am thankful for my Lord who has not only given me the strength to fight for my life and healed me beyond anyone’s expectations, but he has given me a salvation that will last beyond this world.
“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24).
