YUM!

My mouth seriously starts watering when I think about Thanksgiving food.  My love for mashed potatoes and gravy, turkey and cranberries and anything pumpkin, is borderline obsessive.  When I was pregnant with Sawyer, I used my pregnancy as an excuse to eat this food…ALL THE TIME.  Yeah, I packed the preggo weight on pretty quickly with that boy!

But my love for Thanksgiving season really does go beyond the food.  I truly love the focus on giving thanks.  I am ashamed to say that even as someone who has been given SO much, I need this month to remind me to live in a state of constant gratitude. 

This morning I was not my best version of myself.  I said the words “hurry up, boys” at various decibels more times than I can count.  By the time we were all buckled into the car, I felt frazzled, anxious and sad.  I gripped the steering wheel in frustration with myself, feeling like the worst mother.  I turned around to apologize to my beautiful boys, who had hurried and rushed to please their harried mama all morning, and their big blue eyes were all smiling at me; my sins were already forgiven—partly because they have really short attention spans and mostly because they love me a lot.  And I was overcome with gratefulness and thankfulness for the gift of my roll as their mama.

I recently read the story about Jesus healing the ten lepers on his way to Jerusalem (Luke 17:11-19).  He tells them all to go show themselves to the priests, and “as they went, they were cleansed” (14b).  I love these next verses: “One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.  Jesus asked, ‘Were not all ten cleansed?  Where are the other nine?  Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?’  Then he said to him, ‘Rise and go; your faith has made you well’” (15-19).

As I read this, I was struck to the core with this thought: I do NOT want to be one of the nine!  I have so many things to be thankful for.  I don’t want to be one of the nine who gets healed and just keeps on walking.  Every day, I want my blessings to stop me in my tracks and lead me rushing to Jesus’ feet, praising God in a loud voice the whole way.

Also interesting to note is that Jesus points out that the man at his feet is a foreigner.  Because I know Jesus’ character, I know he doesn’t say this to make the man feel less-than or like an outsider.  He points this out to show that it was the foreigner, not the Jews, who recognized where his healing came from.  Once again, this reminds me that as a Christian—one who has been sanctified by Jesus’ sacrifice—I should be first in line to give thanks to God for everything he does for me every day.  I should be more immune to being worn down by the grind of sin, darkness, stress, worry, grudges, gossip and envy.  This is not to say that I do not feel grief and sadness, but it does mean that I should be MORE aware of God’s gifts in the midst of every circumstance. 

Yes, I am thankful for the upcoming food festivities.  But I am also thankful for the reminder to be thankful.  I praise the Lord, for my soul is saved by his grace, I have been healed through his mercy, and I have been given much (family, friends, students, dog, provisions, sunsets, avocados, movies, books, chocolate, words, kisses, hugs, touch, and on and on and on) simply because he loves to lavishly give good gifts.

May we all be so aware of our blessings that our only possible response is to fall at Jesus’ feet.  May we go through our lives praising Jesus in loud voices.  And may we see everything around us as evidence of Jesus’ love…especially mashed potatoes and gravy.  Something like that can only come from a whole lotta love.

My Hubby

At the beginning of my junior year in college, I started dating this guy with super buff arms (I mention the arms, because they were often a part of the way I would describe my new boyfriend: “I’m dating this amazing guy named Ryan, and he has really great arms!)  Parent weekend was coming up, and I was beyond excited for my mama to come to Newberg and spend time with Ryan and me together.  My mama was my best friend and my life compass, so I needed her to see us as a couple and give me a report.  In his typical, wonderful way, Ryan asked me what my mama’s favorite thing to do was and planned our day around it: waterfalls!  The three of us spent a beautiful misty day hiking Silver Creek Falls.

Mama and I went out to dinner after we dropped Ryan off, and I waited expectantly for her verdict.  She smiled, rolled her eyes a little, squeezed my hand and said, “Oh my goodness, Caitlyn, I think he’s the one!  All you two do is laugh and kiss!  And you were right; he does have really great arms.”  Thus my romantic path was set.

You don’t have to know me very well to know that I am totally smitten with my husband.  I mean, I really think he’s swoon-worthy.  I don’t say this in an I-have-a-perfect-marriage-and-you-should-be-jealous kind of way.  I’m not trying to portray a false image of perfection, because Ryan and I definitely have our flaws and our disagreements (I won’t mention right now that for some reason getting out of the door to go to church brings out the worst in us…oh the irony!)  We have issues, big and small, just like every marriage.  But, honestly, I caught myself a spectacular guy.

My husband is a daily representation of Christ to me.  In Ephesians 5:25, Paul tells husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  While I know that Ryan would die for me without hesitation, it is the way that he lives for me that continues to win my heart: waking up early to make coffee for me every morning (now that I’ve given up my beloved mochas), installing a detachable shower head in our bathroom after my mastectomy so that he could give me showers, making me a part of pursuing his dreams while putting numerous days and nights into pursuing mine,  biting his tongue countless times when my forgetfulness gets the best of me and I forgot that one important thing he asked me to do, demonstrating to the boys how to treat me with respect, being there for my mom and our whole family during the best and worst of times, and finally helping me see the humor in whatever situation comes our way.  In these things and just about all things, he makes the choice to deny himself and give himself up for me.

And that is why I am writing this post.  I want to give a public shout-out to my hubby for being the best for me that he can be.  I want to take this opportunity to praise him for the way he strives to daily follow the Lord in all that he does.  I want to thank God for the wonderful, sexy man he put in my life.

Last spring, Ryan and I got matching tattoos (pretty cheesy, I know…but I love cheesy!)  We got them based on a poem I wrote to Ryan in an effort to show him how important his support has been throughout our marriage.  As part of my public love declaration, I thought I would share it:

My anchor, my love
keeping my feet on solid ground,
and my soul bound to hope
during the tempest of this life.

You did not let me drift away on winds of despair
or get crushed by desperate, doubting waves.
Ominous, dreadful clouds of pain and suffering
did not break your hold on me.

You stood firm and secure even as we were pulled, pushed and pressed in every direction.

You kept me tethered to the foundation of truth until the winds slowed, the waves subsided and the clouds floated away…
until we could see the clear night sky and the breaking of a new dawn,
my anchor, my love.

Thank you, my love, for filling my life with laughter and kisses, and for always holding me up with those great arms of yours!

Note: For those of you who don’t have a Ryan in your life, I pray that his example can do for you what it does for me: turn our eyes upon Jesus.  Jesus is the reason that we have the hope of salvation that is “an anchor for the soul, firm and secure” (Hebrews 6:19).

Praise him from whom all blessings flow!

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I’ll say it again: Rejoice!” (Phil 4:4).

There are times when this verse seems impossible—stretches of life when rejoicing in the Lord is truly a sacrifice of praise (Hebrews 13:15). One of my favorite worship songs is “Blessed Be the Name of the Lord”, because it proclaims that our praise will be consistent even though are circumstances are not.

But (THANK THE LORD), there are other times when the praise springs from our lips and our hearts without any prompting—moments when God’s blessings and provision are so obvious that we cannot help but shout them from the rooftops. I am so grateful to be able to say that the last few days have been like that for Ryan and me. God has done some powerful things through some amazing people, and I just need to praise His name and give him all the credit for these gifts in my life!

Unadulterated joy often originates in times of pressure, and this time is no different. Last Wednesday, we were feeling overwhelmed and honestly crushed by the medical debt that has piled up from all of my treatment over the last fourteen months. I had just gotten a call telling me that Sky Lakes Medical Center (where I got all of my radiation treatments) sent one of our larger bills to Collections. We have been making large payments every month to everyone we owe, so we were confused and feeling helplessly small against a huge system. We prayed and reminded ourselves that God had brought us through much worse, but I have to confess that my heart was anxious.

Then God started to reveal all the ways he was already knocking down doors. Our amazing friend, Jeremey Fleischer, sent us a link to a fundraiser he had set up for us on rally.org. He named the Rally after my cancer-fighting motto, Joy is Strength (http://www.rally.org/joyisstrength). Ryan and Jeremey are close friends, and Ryan had expressed his worries about the medical debt. Jeremey heard his friend and God’s prompting and took action. As soon as he made the site live, money started coming in! People were and are continuing to bless us with their generosity. I started to feel peace that even if we couldn’t get everything straightened out with Sky Lakes, we would be able to start paying Collections.

Yesterday, Ryan and I prayed together and went to Sky Lakes to see if there was anything we could do. Ryan did an amazing job of sincerely telling our story and expressing our confusion to the wonderful financial counselor at Sky Lakes. She was moved with compassion. Based on our excellent payment history, she pleaded our case to the Director of Billing at Sky Lakes. She called a few hours later to tell me that he had been thoroughly convinced that our bill shouldn’t have been sent to Collections, and he would go to bat for us with Collections. But she warned me that Collections rarely gives accounts back and there may be nothing he could do. I thanked her for her efforts and kept praying, along with my family and many wonderful friends.

Not long after that, she called and said, “Are you ready to be blessed?” My heart jumped! Collections had returned the account to Sky Lakes, and we could keep making payments as we had been! The Lord is so much bigger money woes!

I know that money trouble is by far not the worst affliction. We are so thankful for all of the medical treatment I have received, and it is with (mostly) thankful hearts that we work to tackle those debts. But I am overwhelmed by how God is using people to show us love by helping us in this. John 13:35 says, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Countless times in the last year, people have loved us by paying for bills, accommodations, gas and even vacations. I pray someday (SOON), we can begin loving on others in this way.

In the midst of all this money strife and blessing, the BIGGEST reason this mama’s heart is singing happened on Saturday morning. I made my sweet boys some yummy French toast and slipped away to take a shower (a quiet shower time is reason to praise God in itself!). In the few minutes I was gone, Ryan was able to guide Sawyer in a monumental decision. Sawyer has loved God and believed in Jesus for a long time, but this proclamation of his faith fulfills my greatest hope for him in his life on earth. We did a lot of celebrating this weekend, as I know they did in Heaven: “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents” (Luke 15:10). Click here to watch Sawyer tell you in his own wonderful words.

I know that some of you are reading this while you are in the midst of the battle, in the throws of a “sacrifice of praise.” I pray that God will give you reason to do a happy dance and find joy deep in your soul. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to all of you who continue to bless us with your love, generosity and prayers.